Saying Goodbye to My Papa

It’s odd saying goodbye to a pope who hasn’t died.  But, saying goodbye to this pope in particular is very personal to me.  It seems that Pope Benedict and I have run a course of ironic similarity over the past nearly 8 years.

Don’t worry.  I don’t consider myself papal or even close to the holiness and greatness that is our former Holy Father.  However, as my husband and I were discussing all of this and making our predictions about who might be elected next (and, calculating that there will probably be at least 2 more popes in our lifetime), I realized that good ol’ Benny and I have some major things in common.
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Relevance or Truth? (circle one)

I usually love Bad Catholic Marc Barnes’ blog. I love how he is able to be smart and witty at the same time and that he writes at above a 7th grade level (while most blogs seem to fall below that mark).  On many days, I agree with him 100% and can point people to his writing and say, “Read this!  He speaks for me – and does it much more eloquently than I!”

Today is not one of those days.

In his typically eloquent response to a horrid opinion piece in the Washington Post called The church young Catholics want, I think Marc misses the mark.  In the WaPo piece, the author demands that the Catholic church become relevant to the youth today, and in her opinion, relevance means toeing the cultural line on issues like homosexuality, abortion, contraception, and women’s ordination.

Marc argues

Relevance is the worst factor for determining the goodness of a thing since we dunked witches in the river to see whether they’d float.

After railing against youth ministry that uses skits, contemporary Christian music, and social media, Marc concludes:

Kill relevance, seek transcendence.

While I think Marc is absolutely right to rail against “relevance” to the exclusion of everything else – including the Truth – I think his piece is missing something.

This is not an either/or situation, but a both/and.

We do not have to reject true relevance that goes where youth are.  And yes, social media IS where they are.

We do not have to reject relevance that speaks to their life experiences.  From the very real experiences of suffering, sin, and grace they encounter as youth to the real experience of listening to One Direction and texting during class.

We do not have to reject relevance that speaks their language.   The only way they can learn the rich vocabulary of theology and ecclesiology in the Church is if we help them translate it.

The combox kills again

I think what Marc is trying to say is that people who do crappy youth ministry, who water down the Truth in favor of a pandering, cheesy theology, and who do it all in the name of “relevance” are missing the boat because their watered down, effeminate, pansy gospel is actually irrelevant.

Unfortunately, if that is what he is trying to say, the message is lost.  If he’s arguing for both relevance and the Transcendental, if he’s arguing for us to consecrate (as we are called to do by virtue of our common priesthood) the world in which these youth live instead of condemn it, if he’s arguing for us to just be more cautious in our use of the secular and to temper our desire to be relevant with good, solid catechesis and sharing of the Truth, then I’m not the only one who missed it – so did most of the commenters in his combox.

I’m fifteen, and “happy happy joy joy” Christianity just ticks me off. In an attempt to be hip and cool, all formality, reverence, and beauty is muffled.

I don’t want relevance, I want reverence!

From her article: “We do not need answers; we need to engage the world.” False. They need solid catechesis and sufficient explanation.

If I wanted a church that was “with the times” and “relevant” I would become one of those non-denominational hipster Christians.

Relevance AND Truth

The Gospel can be shared in a way that is relevant without being watered-down.

Good youth ministry can catechize and still include skits, and even KLove on occasion.

Good youth ministry can be on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and can evangelize in those places and teach the teens to be evangelize there as well.

Good youth ministry is first and foremost about sharing the Truth with them, but it also must be relevant.

After all, Jesus showed us over and over again how to be relevant without losing the beauty of the Truth.  He started where the people were (oftentimes in the midst of sin and in sinful places), they used the life experiences of the people to teach (parables of shepherds and farming) and to share the truth.

On the road to Emmaus Jesus walked with those two disciples (they were going the wrong way), asked questions, and really listened to them before he spoke a single word of Truth to them. And when he did speak Truth, he answered the questions they had, and spoke a language they understood – he was relevant.

What do you think?  How can we better balance the need to be relevant while at the same time sharing Truth and allowing them to opportunity to experience and reflect on the Transcendental?

Being Present

I wrote this blog about how volunteering at our local warming shelter opened up my eyes to much more than just the plight of the homeless.

The unexpected happened. Something none of my mission trips, immersion retreats, or service outings had prepared me for. This was the first time I had served the homeless community in my own town, and I was not prepared to know some of the guests. I was not prepared to see former teens and the parents of teens come in from the cold with everything the owned in a backpack on their back.

At first, I felt helpless. I felt so inadequate, certain that futzing with the finicky washing machine for my shift couldn’t do anything for these individuals. I felt like all I could do was to be there, and that being there wasn’t enough.

Read the whole thing

While I focused on how this experience challenged me to be a better youth minister, the reality is that it challenged me to be a better – well, everything.  A better wife, a better mother, a better friend, a better Christian.

The thing is, it’s REALLY hard to be present – there are so many little things that require immediate attention – all at once.

On Saturday, I found myself trying to convince the not-yet-potty-trained-because-apparently-we-don’t-have-this-parenting-thing-figured-out-yet 3 year old not to pull down his dirty diaper in the living room and playing a game of Uno while at the same time showing my husband how to open the vacuum cleaner (which promptly dumped out all over the couch, the kids, me, and the Uno game).  In trying to be present to the dirty diaper, the Uno game, and my husband’s battle with the vacuum, I ended up being present to none of them.

So, I’ve made a commitment to re-read this blog every morning during Lent and to try to focus on just one person or situation I can be fully and totally present to that day – no distractions.  We’ll see how it goes.

How can you be fully present today?

Missing: Part of My Identity

This morning was one of the strangest Monday mornings I’ve had in a long time.

I woke up this morning, got my son all settled into breakfast and his morning routine, and then I walked to my computer to check my e-mail and make my weekly “to do list” for work.

And then, realized that there is no longer a need for a “work to-do list” because I am officially retired from youth ministry and am entering into my “stay at home mom” years.

I’ve been praying about, waiting for, and counting down to this day for a couple of years.  I knew it was coming, but it always seemed like it was out there on the horizon – something to talk about and wait for, but nothing that would actually happen.

And, now that it’s upon me, I’m not sure how I feel.  Happy, a little sad, nostalgic, free, excited, overwhelmed with the rest of my life.  But, the biggest emotion that is surprising me is something I can’t put a word on…confused?  lost?  useless? Read More

My Final Youth Ministry Trip

I just returned from my final youth group trip.  And, boy did I pick a doozy to be the last chapter in my tenure as youth minister.  It was a mission trip…that was the longest trip we’ve done…and, it had some interesting challenges to it.

Here’s the thing – it’s a mission trip.  If you don’t know what being on “mission” means, you need to do some research before you commit to going.  I am not saying I don’t know – I’ve been on mission before.  But, in case you haven’t, here are some things you should expect.
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Youth Ministers – More Than Meets the Eye

Most youth ministers who are worth their salt will happily and proudly tell you that they went into this field of work because they felt called to it.  And, I definitely agree.  Being a youth minister is 100% a vocation.  You have to have a deep understanding of the overall mission of the Church, believe in the young Church even when they seem like a lost cause, and want nothing more than to equip, empower, teach, and lead those “lost causes” into the arms of Christ.

I’ve made it 7 years w/o owning a clown, chicken, gorilla, or any other type of costume.

But, there is a huge, huge, HAAA-UUUGE misunderstanding about what youth ministers do, particularly for people who aren’t actively involved in youth ministry or who don’t have youth of their own.  And, not surprisingly, the teens don’t “see the forest for the trees” so to speak.  They (and many others) think that youth ministers spend a lot of time “hanging out with teens” or “going on fun trips” or “getting pies in their faces” or “eating pizza.”

While all those things are undoubtedly things that most of us have done (what youth group would be complete without pizza or messy games?), that’s not WHAT WE DO.  Those are things that happen that we participate in.  We don’t pursue this calling, this VOCATION, just to go to summer camp or water parks.

So, here is a very, very short list of some of the roles/jobs that are required of youth ministers…some of the things that people may not realize that we do on a regular basis.

1.) Teacher & Google

Our number one job is to catechize the youth of the Church.  We have a responsibility to teach them the truths & teachings of the Catholic faith in a orthodox way that they can understand, discuss, and process.  And, not only do we have to know and understand WHAT we’re teaching (and do so in a systematic way), but we have to be ready to be a human Google about any and all faith-related questions.  No matter how prepared you think you are, teens have an amazing talent of asking the most random, outside the box, unexpected questions that you DIDN’T plan for.  But, you’ve got to be ready to answer.



2.) Event Planner

Every single week, at least once a week and sometimes more than once, we have to event plan.  From food to engaging activities to handouts to prayers to atmosphere, every detail has to be lined up and ready to go.  We worry about enough to eat, the right lighting, the sound system working, the teens having a good time.  Every.Single.Week.  And, on top of that, there are ACTUAL parties we plan – Fall Kick Off, Advent Party, Retreats (at least 2-3 a year), Senior Dinners, etc.  We get really good at knowing how much food to bring and what kind of music sets the right mood.

 
3.) Spiritual Guide/Moral Compass
We are in constant conversation with the teens who are in the youth group (some more regularly than others).  And, that means constant questions about their spiritual lives, making moral choices, living rightly, etc. come up. Some teens are very open and keep you up to date on everything happening and want your advice practically daily.  Others will hit you up via text, phone call, Facebook message, etc. only when there’s a big problem or they feel confused, anxious, need prayers, lonely, sad, whatever emotion.  We have a huge responsibility to be in direct conversation with the Holy Spirit on a regular basis so that we can do our best to respond and guide these young people into the love of Christ.



4.) Supporter/Cheerleader
Games.  Concerts.  Performances.  Buying what they are selling for teams, choirs, groups, etc.  We are there as much as we can.  We are supporting them constantly via social media.  We have to be aware of big tests, auditions, games, college submissions, try-outs, whatever so that we can ask about it, cheer them on, and support them through the process.  We have to encourage them when those things take precedence over Church things (as they do, more often than not).  We feel their joy when they succeed and their hurt when they fail.

5.) Reference

If there’s a college scholarship, organization, group, or job that needs a reference letter for a teenager, we have probably written a recommendation, filled out a form, or answered questions over the phone.  If a kid is regularly involved in the youth group (and, heck, sometimes if they are not!), the youth minister is generally #1 on the list to ask for a recommendation.  And, boy, those things can be difficult to write sometimes!

6.) Confidant

On many occasions, we are brought into serious situations happening in teens‘ lives, families, and relationships.  And, I do mean serious.  From deaths of family members and friends to abuse in homes to suicide attempts to drug problems and teen pregnancies (just to name a few), we’ve all been there.  We’re often contacted first by the family or been told in confidence about something before a counselor or police officer.  We’ve lost sleep, cried, sought counsel, prayed and prayed and prayed some more.  We’ve watched pain unfold, seen teens leave the faith, and, thankfully, seen healing and growth, too.

Ultimately, the vocation of youth ministry is a call to LOVE a very specific group of people in ways that are very specific to their needs.  And, it’s anything but easy.  It’s an uphill battle 90% of the time.  It’s a thankless job where maybe 10 out of every 100 teens or families ever offers gratitude for what you’ve done.

But, we don’t say “yes” because it’s easy and we don’t do it to be told “thanks”.  We do it because it’s part of the mission of the Church – it’s OUR part of the mission.  Though my time as a youth minister will soon be coming to an end, my love for the young Church has not and will not ever change.  Being a youth minister has formed me into the adult, wife, mother, and friend that I am.  I am thankful I was called to it.

Jesus Trusts ME?!?

This morning at the Wednesday morning Mass with some of the teens from our youth group, Fr. Joy made a very interesting point in his homily.  He said that Jesus had to trust his apostles and disciples, that they would carry out the mission he had left for them.

Jesus had to trust others.  He had to trust those he was teaching and guiding.



Jesus had to trust.

Trusting is a very human thing.  It’s something that we have to constantly work on and make a concerted effort to have.  We work to have trustworthy friends and spouses.  We pray that we might be able to trust in the Lord, in His plan for our lives.  Many of us struggle with trusting due to things that have happened to us throughout our life that have broken our ability to easily trust.

And, yet, Jesus had to trust, too.  Jesus, who was God, who knew how it would all turn out, had to work on the very human act of trusting in his followers. Read More

Tough Questions

“Were Adam and Eve on Earth with the dinosaurs?”

“How could that be if God created the earth in 7 days and dinosaurs were around a long, long time ago, before people?”

“So, the bones archeologists found of the ‘first human’ were the bones of Adam or Eve?”

“Are we all on the same family tree?”

“Where, exactly, IS Eden?”

“When we die, will we even want to ask God these questions?  Will we know everything?  Will we even care since we’ll be in God’s presence?”

What really happened to the dinosaurs.

These are real questions that came up with my teens this past Wednesday night in our 11th and 12th grade PSR class.  The class is not, actually, a bible study this semester.  We are supposed to be studying Theology of the Body for Teens; and, tonight’s chapter was entitled “Naked Without Shame.”  And, that’s how we started with Adam and Eve, talking about original justice and original nakedness.

Needless to say, we didn’t exactly cover the chapter of TOB that I had intended.  But, we DID discuss a lot of different topics including Church and science, heaven, final judgement, and, somehow, the Shroud of Turin.

As the topics and questions swirled around with sincere curiosity on the faces of the teens, I came to realize, again, what an incredible responsibility I have as a youth minister and teacher of the faith.  The teens have found a place where they know it’s okay to ask the tough questions.  They know they won’t be laughed at or ridiculed for wondering.  And, that means I have to be prepared.  I have to stay one step ahead of the teens, anticipating what they might ask on a given night and praying for the guidance of the Holy Spirit to give them correct and complete answers.  And, I have to pray for the ability to listen with love, so that they will continue to ask these questions and thousands more.

      This is pretty much how I explain Eden…

In all honesty, there’s no way I could’ve anticipated the conversation of this night.  Dinosaurs, creationism, evolution, and science aren’t exactly my forte, but I did my best to give the Church’s teachings on these topics. These teens, they’re keeping me on my toes and I couldn’t be more grateful.  Without them, I might not be growing in MY faith in quite the same way.

Selfish Youth Minister

I’ve got to be honest here.  A lot of times when I plan to go on trips with the youth group, I’m really planning them for my own selfish reasons.  I think you know what I mean…

Sleeping on a charter bus with 50 other people for 2 out of 4 nights; essentially living on a bus for 28 hours; having an endless supply of Pop Tarts and granola bars at my disposal; spending 20+ hours in and out of the freezing cold to see presidents‘ houses, monuments, museums, shrines, etc.; being away from my 13 month old and my husband for 4 days…

Yup, this trip is for ME!

“Rebecca, am I sensing a bit of sarcasm in your tone here?”

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Bringing it Home

“Joe, is that you?” I couldn’t believe it. “Russ? I haven’t seen you in what, 16 years? What are you doing in DC, here for the March for Life?” “No” Russ replied. “I live here – in fact, I forgot the March was tomorrow – until the swarms of people.” “Huh?” I was confused. “Aren’t there always lots of people here for protests and on vacation and stuff?” “Well,” he explained, “This is the busiest we ever see it. When it’s March for Life time, it blows tourist season out of the water. I mean, we get a special event like inauguration or that Colbert/Stewart thing, but this is by far the biggest annual event.”

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(Teens arrive to sleep on the gym floor at CUA before Marching for Life on Monday.)

It’s easy to be pro-life here this weekend. It’s easy to go to mass with 20,000 others at the Verizon Center or the DC Armory, and be all excited for our cause. It’s easy to march with 200,000 people – or more – and be chanting and believing with all of our hearts.

But we aren’t called to be pro-life 2 days a year. We’re called to live it. And that’s where it’s hard. At the family gathering, when your aunt or cousin makes a comment about radical anti-abortionists. Or someone at school gives you a hard time. Or the guys or girls on your team think you’re off your rocker.

But living it out – knowing the facts – being willing to pray regularly for the 1,400 or so abortion deaths daily – lovingly correcting people who just plain don’t understand the truth – contacting our government reps – that’s where the rubber hits the road.

And that’s our mission field. To vote pro-life, to pray pro-life, to learn pro-life, to teach pro-life, to live pro-life.

This March today will be something to behold. Wouldn’t it be awesome if the pro-life movement was that fervent all over the country every day? I pray that becomes reality – and that that reality changes the heart of this country to save over a million lives a year.